| Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 |
| 1:26 pm |
Hi friends. Life is pretty rockin'. I am about to take a much needed nap and will provide a better update later. I just wanted to share that I FINALLY started that diet/excercise LJ. If you are still interested in reading and keeping up to date with my progress...and providing encouragment or share your own stories, please do!! I could definatly use the support but more importantly I would LOVE to hear your stories of struggles, success, and tips!! The username is loseforlife. Feel free to add me but be warned I plan on being very unedited with this journal. I plan on saying exactly how I feel when it comes to body images, exact weight, ect. xoxo |
| Saturday, December 20th, 2008 |
| 9:55 pm |
dog sitter-check akward conversation with andrew-check time off work-check chirstmas shopping-almost a complete check debating stabbing multipule customers at once-check ready to leave town yesterday-check |
| Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 |
| 12:25 pm |
thoughts.........
I'm finally out of funk, a spell, if you will. It never feels good to slip into one of those...but I did and I'm done and I'm pretty happy. Two deaths in 2 weeks. One I knew well, one I hardly knew. How do you talk to a 6 year old about their deceased grandfather? Its cold here but my heart feels very warm. Christmas is on its way and I plan on spending 2 weeks working as little as possible. Anyone want to dog sit for a few days? I have worked so much in 2 weeks and miss my friends in Cincy that haven't even seen me. Andrew comes home today and Im dreading it. Don comes home next week and I wish it were today. I really cannot wait. Im told daily by a 2.5 year old that I'm beautiful. Is it weird that it makes me smile? My love is loving and kind and gracious and patient and more than anything I ever thought existed...as far as the one who would love me is concerned. I told Joe this weekend I will probably marry my love.....and he was sad and happy and still wants to be my friend. This is more than I could ask for and it makes me happy. I was faced with a night on the town this past weekend and not a drop of whiskey entered my mouth. Only reds and whites and limes......I feel quite proud. The girls are right. You can only live for yourself and make decisions that make your life what you want it to be....b/c pleasing everyone else never works out. Its your life. Live it the way you like. |
| Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 |
| 12:48 pm |
Oh, yes, I forgot to mention....I have no phone. So if you've texted me, I haven't received it. Call me, leave a message (and your number!! b/c I don't have any #'s memorized) and I will call back when I get near a phone. I hope to remedy this problem in the next day or so. In the next few months I hope to be switching carriers. Any suggestions? |
| Wednesday, November 19th, 2008 |
| 12:31 pm |
lots on my mind but there's nothing worth saying right now other than....... HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHELLBELL!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo |
| Saturday, November 15th, 2008 |
| 8:44 pm |
you got what I need
Tonight I just keep thinking about music, music, and more music. More specifically, I keep thinking about my love for hip hop. I've always been wildly attracted to it not only b/c I love how my body naturally moves to the beats...but more importantly the writing. It AMAZES me....there is so much writing talent in the hip hop world. I drool over how these men and women can write and am envious over their ability to flow those words with seamless effort. I am lucky that I have a man in my life that loves hip hop more than I do and has a billion times more knowledge of it all than I do. I wish I had more friends in this town that loved it.... and wished there were more places to enjoy in this town. I'm rambling but it feels good. Thank god I got my writing mojo back. It feels good to write, even if it sucks. Current Mood:  dorkyCurrent Music: nothin but a g thang |
| Friday, November 14th, 2008 |
| 11:49 am |
I'm jeckyl and hyde
There's something oddly empowering and sexy about driving a car in heels. I felt as though I could zip around every car in my path last night. The only thing that would be hotter is if it were a 5 speed. Alas, I am a dummy in this department. Today brings another day of therapy. People keep asking me "how's it going" and "is it helping you out". I have to say I am never entirely sure how to answer this question. I know some people think therapy is a waste of time for anyone and so I automatically find myself feeling like I have to defend it or give this outstanding status update...even with people whom I know I don't. Its like a gut reaction or something. Truth be told, I'm noticing subtle differences. if anything, I feel like I'm using my brain again which has felt like it was rotting away for years and years. The thoughts and ideas of graduate school have rekindled themselves in the list of goals I keep etched in my mind. The desire to have a path in life if burning bright and indecisive me is having a really hard time making the decisions I need to make. How does one decipher between a dream that will always remain so and a actual attainable career? It seems I've whittled it down to a masters in social work. Because the spectrum in the field is HUGE I could easily find a career I enjoy. That's the thinking. Because when I think about what I want to be when I grow up it goes something like this, in my mind: I love kids and want to help their existence at an early age but am not sure I would really enjoy the structure of a classroom but I also love the thought of working as an advocate for a cause that I really truly believe in and I also have always wanted to make a career of some sort of writing so there is always grant writing in that field which would require lots of research which would allow to stay in a hold away from people and I love the thought of that but then I also sometimes LOOOOOVE people and working interactively with them so the idea of educating the public on a social issue or working with at risks teens as far as counseling goes....and I know that most of these jobs would pay crap but I think I would be happy doing them which is far more important..but I don't want to be strapped for cash..... and then those thoughts go on and on and on. Any thoughts would greatly appreciated. Anyone want to be my personal high school guidance counselor and tell me the things I should have been told 11-12 years ago rather than waisting a lot of time and money on an undergraduate degree that I do nothing with?? *le sigh*. Now I'm off to a therapist to talk about things that just are not fit to print on the interwebs. xoxo Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: kingston snoring |
| Friday, September 5th, 2008 |
| 9:23 am |
I almost forgot
Also, Mcain looks like he could be Palin's father. It weirds me out, a lot. |
| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 |
| 1:15 pm |
how true, dear government.
A lot on my mind but just needed to share this....a friend brought it to my attention. B. Palin isn't the 1st VP child to be pregnant out of wedlock. The 1st was Mary Cheney. But at least Bristol is allowed to get married... Current Mood:  annoyed |
| Friday, August 22nd, 2008 |
| 12:08 am |
what the fuck
Really? Gwen did you really name your newborn son Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale? I'm crying right now. |
| Tuesday, August 19th, 2008 |
| 11:17 am |
purgatory
His touch feels like home so I need to clear my head. That...and there's all these babies in waiting all around me. Hospitals and late night calls. Everyone's so busy and I'm just workin' to create this life I think I want. Dozens and more of red and white roses made my heart melt into a puddle...a puddle of debate. Yes, you do deserve it...keep telling yourself that. 30 looms around the corner and I feel like I'm stuck in the same place I've always been. I think I'm a child who will never grow up. |
| Friday, August 1st, 2008 |
| 11:45 am |
What I was gonna say was.....Chicago, cedar point/put in bay, florida all in one month! Im super stoked and have worked my ASS off for this. But now I'm just sad for my friends. I love you 2..............I think Ga is next on the list. xoxo |
| Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 |
| 6:35 pm |
the ms walk
So the walk is this weekend...and I'm almost to my goal is donations. I don't know how to properly express my feelings. My feelings of complete joy and appreciation to the couple of people who have donated. And my just general bummed outedness (i know thats not really a word) at the people who haven't. Im not mad by any stretch. I know how tight money is for everyone (hello george bush, where's my 600 bucks?) but I suppose I thought some people would at least donate 5 bucks knowing how close to my life this cause is. Regardless, I am totally stoked for the walk this weekend, I hope we have good weather! I thought I had more to say than this but I guess I don't. It's that whole not able to properly express thing. |
| Thursday, February 14th, 2008 |
| 7:33 pm |
Happy Valentines Day to you! |
| Wednesday, February 6th, 2008 |
| 9:56 am |
you are my little kitten, you're my little song
Two rainy mornings in a row and I've had the luxury of enjoying them both. I love the rain and overcast skies, in moderation. Karen made a list of things that made her happy.... something I think we should all do, often. It seems so easy to get caught up on the things that bring us down....I am going to compile my own list in the next day or so. In the meantime, this rain has me desperately wanting a ipod. I think my tax check will not only help pay a credit card but also purchase one of these miniature pieces of ear heaven. I want to walk around in a hoodie and listen to music so loud that I may actually forget I am walking around in real life. I believe it will also motivate me to train for the marathon (perhaps kanye's "stronger" on repeat???) I have been missing school lately. My hope is in the next couple of years I can get my finances together, get my mind together, figure out what I really want to do, and head for a masters. First things first....end my nasty habit of completing sentences with prepositional phrases. God I am so out of practice. When did I become such a shitty writer? Is it totally unrealistic of me to still, after all these years, want to somehow make writing my life, a reality? Blah. Hope you all have a fantastic day. xoxo ps.......the seedy seeds (my new found love, thanks to Em) are playing at the tavern on Saturday. Hopefully you can make it! I have yet to hear them live so I am excited! Current Mood:  good |
| Friday, February 1st, 2008 |
| 10:56 am |
sick sick sick. I am lying in bed and feel awful. That and Britney Spears done lost her mind. |
| Tuesday, January 29th, 2008 |
| 9:49 am |
the waiting room...
Sitting in the waiting room, mom is in surgery right now....... Send good vibes and thoughts her way!!! (the answer to the inevitable question is...she's having her thyroid removed) xoxo |
| Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008 |
| 9:33 pm |
At least I know I tried
About 1 week ago a friend of mine attempted to convince me join her in the flying pig half marathon. HALF. I thought she was crazy but said said, sure I will think about it, to be polite. I must have had some good drugs that day because by the end of the day...I decided I would do it. Today was my first day of training. A simple 1.2 miles around the lake in Eden Park. I ran about 1/4 of it. They say that's how to start...how to condition yourself. Start slow, build up your endurance. So this scary, scary thing begins. I want to believe I can do it...and even if I end up walking the majority of the marathon...at least I know I tried. This friend of mine just recently completed a half marathon in Arizona (half marathon being 13 miles). She started at the same point I am at right now. She dropped a good 20 lbs just from training alone. She had a trainer who taught her how to condition her body....and she is going to pass that knowledge on to me. Im scared shitless and excited about the feeling that will rush through my body if, no WHEN, I make it through this. In other life changing news I really have taken a big step work wise. I am leaving my comfy little east hyde park starbucks to help open a brand new fancy starbucks in colraine. This is the first step in my hopefully quick track to the management program. After years of back and forth indecision, I've finally made the commitment. I met with my soon to be new manager today and she got me totally stoked. Again, I am scared. This store is going to be super busy, has a drive through, and this manager is INTENSE. But I already got a great vibe from her and have complete faith that she will lead me down the quick and accurate track to management. It's not really something I want to spend the rest of my life doing but it's definatly going to provide with some skills, patience, and money for the future. It's been quite the emotional day for me. Once I realize this starbucks thing was really happening I turned to thoughts of all the people I've met in that store and still see day to day...and how I will miss them. But in the mist of both of these big events today...I had that dear man of mine by my side, rooting me on, literally. It's cold as fuck outside but he still came with me and walked and ran and literally said, come on, you can do it! And when I came home after walking and got all weepy eyed about my future...wondering if I was wasting my time at Starbucks and doubting my ability to do it...he said just the right things to make me feel ok with this decision. Not only that, he reminded me that I could do this and do it well. All these life changes going on and I've got the greatest support I could ever ask for. This is all for tonight. xoxo |
| Wednesday, January 16th, 2008 |
| 10:25 pm |
Gettin' it together
So I edited the friends page, added a newer picture, and hope to actually start writing in here again. I haven't felt like it in forever (which is really quite sad to me). I currently have a cat laying across my thigh and a dog leaning on my shin. I love animals always but especially in the winter time! xoxo |
| Friday, December 28th, 2007 |
| 9:22 pm |
And so it is the end of glub glub. At least it appears this way. |
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